Princess Lycra and the Evil Delivery Man
This story equals those humorous pieces published in SMH. And by one of our own - thanks, Emma R.
Once upon a time in a magical land...
Princess Lycra was riding her enchanted bicycle through her kingdom in the early morning light as she oft did, with her magic AyUps spreading goodness and light on all before her, when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, appeared the evil newspaper delivery man (ENDM), swerving across the yellow brick road from this side to that side, dispatching his logs of tabloid diatribe into the gardens of the poor simple villagers.
Even though the ENDM saw the beautiful Princess Lycra heading towards him, he guided his carriage of evil directly across her path to satisfy his dastardly desires of newspaper ejection. At this wickedness, Princess Lycra was shaken but not stirred,and after applying her faithful Ultegra brakes she avoided the carriage of evil.
Princess Lycra, not being a candy arse, then cast a potent spell upon the ENDM as he passed by. The ENDM, upon hearing the Princess's spell, responded with an antispell of "can't you see I'm delivering papers". Of course this antispell was impotent against the enchanted Princess, who then cast another spell to turn him into a toad, of which he was already largely one.
The Princess continued on her way, but a quick glance behind revealed the ENDM performing a U turn, and again, not being a candy arse, the Princess also turned her enchanted bicycle to face whatever confrontation might be awaiting her. With her magic potions at the ready the all powerful Princess and the ENDM faced each other from 50 metres like knights about to joust. The tension rose as the combatants approached each other, and with the ENDM guiding his carriage of evil towards her with its dragon eyes ablaze, Princess Lycra was wishing she was wearing her enchanted body armour.
As both the moment of truth and the carriage of evil arrived, the Princess quickly cast a silent spell of apology on the toady ENDM. Of course the ENDM, completely overwhelmed by the spell, slowed and pulled up adjacent to the Princess. Now fully under the control of the Princess's spell, the ENDM apologised for getting in the way of such a wondrous and magical being. The Princess, being benevolent and compassionate, as well as clever and gorgeous, (and modest), accepted the ENDM's apology while also providing some spiritual guidance on the respecting of cyclists.
The Princess and the now 'not so toady ENDM' parted on good terms with the ENDM now understanding the correct protocols of road sharing. This was an unusual but pleasing outcome for the Princess who had grown weary of the evilness she often encountered.
The Princess was much relieved that the incident had ended so well, and without the unpalatable emotional aftertaste that sometimes follows one for the rest of one's journey.
Princess Lycra continued on her enchanted journey through her magical kingdom, accompanied only by the whizzing sound of her tyres upon the road of cycling satisfaction, and eventually covered 114km nonstop without any further clashes with the forces of evil.
The End
Emma R. 12/02/2010
Once upon a time in a magical land...
Princess Lycra was riding her enchanted bicycle through her kingdom in the early morning light as she oft did, with her magic AyUps spreading goodness and light on all before her, when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, appeared the evil newspaper delivery man (ENDM), swerving across the yellow brick road from this side to that side, dispatching his logs of tabloid diatribe into the gardens of the poor simple villagers.
Even though the ENDM saw the beautiful Princess Lycra heading towards him, he guided his carriage of evil directly across her path to satisfy his dastardly desires of newspaper ejection. At this wickedness, Princess Lycra was shaken but not stirred,and after applying her faithful Ultegra brakes she avoided the carriage of evil.
Princess Lycra, not being a candy arse, then cast a potent spell upon the ENDM as he passed by. The ENDM, upon hearing the Princess's spell, responded with an antispell of "can't you see I'm delivering papers". Of course this antispell was impotent against the enchanted Princess, who then cast another spell to turn him into a toad, of which he was already largely one.
The Princess continued on her way, but a quick glance behind revealed the ENDM performing a U turn, and again, not being a candy arse, the Princess also turned her enchanted bicycle to face whatever confrontation might be awaiting her. With her magic potions at the ready the all powerful Princess and the ENDM faced each other from 50 metres like knights about to joust. The tension rose as the combatants approached each other, and with the ENDM guiding his carriage of evil towards her with its dragon eyes ablaze, Princess Lycra was wishing she was wearing her enchanted body armour.
As both the moment of truth and the carriage of evil arrived, the Princess quickly cast a silent spell of apology on the toady ENDM. Of course the ENDM, completely overwhelmed by the spell, slowed and pulled up adjacent to the Princess. Now fully under the control of the Princess's spell, the ENDM apologised for getting in the way of such a wondrous and magical being. The Princess, being benevolent and compassionate, as well as clever and gorgeous, (and modest), accepted the ENDM's apology while also providing some spiritual guidance on the respecting of cyclists.
The Princess and the now 'not so toady ENDM' parted on good terms with the ENDM now understanding the correct protocols of road sharing. This was an unusual but pleasing outcome for the Princess who had grown weary of the evilness she often encountered.
The Princess was much relieved that the incident had ended so well, and without the unpalatable emotional aftertaste that sometimes follows one for the rest of one's journey.
Princess Lycra continued on her enchanted journey through her magical kingdom, accompanied only by the whizzing sound of her tyres upon the road of cycling satisfaction, and eventually covered 114km nonstop without any further clashes with the forces of evil.
The End
Emma R. 12/02/2010
Labels: cycling humour, story motorist vs cyclist
posted by Coffs BUG member at
11:06 pm
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